Bachelors & The Lean Mean Grilling Machine

I meant to post this a while ago and now I am a lone man in NZ and without The Grill and my heart yearns for the better days.

George Foremen didn't make it past the 8th round versus Ali, but let me tell you, George has gone much more than 15 rounds with my roommates and me. We, the members of 2464 (and yes, probably even Funk) hereby declare the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine to the be the greatest device ever created for the mild-mannered Bachelor.
George the Heavyweight has sold over 80,000,000 grills, made over $150 million profit, satiated tens of millions of bellies and curiously slipped its way into pop culture :

Nelly - (2:20)

My mouth piece simply certified, a total package
Open up my mouth and you see more karats than a salad
My teeth are mind blowin givin' everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman cuz i'm sellin everybody grillz

In the heavens, i believe administering angels will cook on the this majestic and holy appliance.

Here are but some of the major uses we have found in this Telestial sphere for the Mighty Grilling Machine:

Pancakes - fluffier, happier, no flipping necessary (though you do have to tilt the grill backwards to avoid spilling) and can easily be divided into Pan-Sticks for the children or finger foods at parties.

Eggs - Gaston eats 2 dozen a day to be roughly the size of a barge. George ate whole chickens to become a champ. I eat only a few week and have never had a simpler time separating egg whites.

Grille a la Quesadilla - yeah, cheese, beans, salsa, even an egg in there. It even has the sweet grill that fast food joints artificially paint on their patties.


Bakin' Cookies - When I look at my oven and try to figure out how to get it to 345 degrees for 13 minutes, I simply cringe. With the GFG, you simply plug it in, place the cookie dough on the Teflon-coated heating surface, sit back and let it do the baking for you. Take it off when it looks like a cookie. so easy!

Warm your toes/feet while watching TV.
Wrap your feet in a thin cloth, insert into grill and... happy feet -

Insta' Face Steam - to make it look like you exercise for when chicks come over -

Ironing your shirts - Do you feel the pounds from your desk job adding on? Have you ever heard that vertical stripes suggest thinness and height? Well, the Grilling Machine from Mt Olympus provides you with just the subliminal vertical lining you need on any shirt. Simply heat, press and slide your shirt to feel thinner and achieve that Champ Physique you deserve.

Mouse Trap - Place a generous hunk of cheese on a warm GFG, allow the aroma to spread throughout & your rodent problems are guaranteed to vanish within hours.

% body fat tester - pinch and measure over how many fins in your GF your adipose rolls roll -

Bacon - it's every man's favorite treat and smell (see picture). Keep the aroma constant by placing 1 glorious strip on the grill every morning and let the scent of heaven waft about your apartment. I believe Michael from the office speaks to this use the best :

Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…

As I now embark onto the new realm of unbachelorhood, I want to thank GF's grill for keeping my alive, healthy, entertained and in general, studlier than i ever could have achieved on my own. Thanks Champ!