Back to the States and into Prison

I flew back to the Land of the Free just so i could be incarcerated.


So it works like this. Flew out of wellington at 2pm on Friday, arrive in noon in SF on that same day, then fill up with things i am lacking in NZ : I got some mexican food, did yoga on allison's rooftop, bought a headlamp for less than $30 at Sports Basement and then met my LA friends, got on a boat and headed for a night on the Rock.
A quick background how this was all possible. Each year for the past 25 years, 18 groups of 35 people are allowed to spend the night on Alcatraz Island. Year-to-date, there are only 16,000 individuals in the world who have had the experience to witness firsthand history behind the scenes of one of the nation’s most infamous penitentiaries. So, Dave Broadbent in LA won the raffle and since i was coming back to the states for Mutant's wedding anyway, might as well go to do some genealogy of my italian mobster ancestors that spent some time on Alcatraz. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, eh?
After a rousing game of dead kitty on a boat, we arrived to Ranger Jon's moving speech on the history of the island and a short 15 min video. It went well until someone mentioned the 3 that escaped and the postcard they sent the FBI from S. America. Ranger Jon hates escaped convicts more than he hates DB Cooper.

Now, its not all fun and games in prison, the winners of the lottery also have to perform some sort of service that night on the island, but all we had to do was stack 100 chairs. Needless to say, with 35 people, that was about 15 min of our day. Our extended private tour began directly thereafter.
A shot from the psychiatric wing. This cell was directly across from Al Capone's. His was the same size as this one, roughly 8x bigger than others inmate's and 10x larger than Maxfield's and mine room in LA. He lived quite the high life on Alcatraz b/c his syphilis was making him go crazy and he needed the sunlight. Next up was some scenes from The Rock. Like where Nic Cage jabbed himself in the heart.
After taking the audio tour that night and seeing how the 3 guys escaped through the grates in their cell and then through the roof, i began to formulate my evening activities for when the lights went out.
Our cells in Cell Block D Solitary Confinement were pretty comfy, all 3o+ of us filling up almost every 5x9' cell in the 3 story tall section of cells. As the Ranger paced his final rounds before retiring to his quarters, i lie alert in my bed with my shoes on, peering through the bars of my cell, out the small window and across the 1.2 miles of treacherous currents deep into the dim lit, civilian streets of freedom. I was making my escape tonight.
The lights went out, the door to solitary slammed shut and immediately the creaks of old metal, the howl of the wind and the noise of my fellow inmates shuffling in their cots stole the silence. I made my move. I was leaving the other suckers to rot in the slammer.
Getting through the grate was easy, the 3 escapees had removed it 30 years earlier and it still wasn't fixed! At that moment i didn't care where my tax dollars were going, i was busting out.
Into the crawl space for piping between the cell blocks and up through the gunnery and to the roof.
I hid in the underground tunnels and the catacombs of the old naval base until morning. When the ferry came, i stowed away in the life rafts, Alcatraz was shrinking into the horizon and the sound of sea lions and smell of clam chowder in bread bowls aroused my faculties.
Well, after a successful escape from The Rock, i went with Rock to see granmary in SanBruno on an insanely windy day. After a battle with the wind, most of us made it to the usual italian joint we eat at everytime katie and see granmary. This was my hair after the wind. I do not look like a crazed criminal in my opinion.

Alas, freedom last only so long. I was apprehended and sent to solitary.

The only light of day i see is through this window i broke with my hardened criminal fist.
I am taking donations - hand grenade pies, dynamite lollipops, bacon maple bar donuts, anything really - to bust me out of here in time for my sisters wedding.